a great whale

Hello friends, it’s been a while.

These past few weeks have been a bit crazy and I am exhausted. So much has happened. Lately, my sin has been called out, analyzed and discussed. But He is sovereign! I have had incredible opportunities to grow & learn from all that’s happening. It’s been hard, trying to find the balance between vulnerability and guarding my heart. So I haven’t tried to write publicly on it, instead just scribbling frantic prayers in my journal and confiding in close friends.

But today I began to think of the story of Jonah. For the very few of you who don’t know the story, Jonah was an old testament prophet in the Bible. His story starts quite similarly to the other prophets, he’s called to a distant city to act as the mouthpiece for God. But rather than travel to the broken city of Nineveh, Jonah does something else.

“But Jonah rose to flee to Tarshish from the presence of the Lord. He went down to Joppa and found a ship going to Tarshish. So he paid the fare and went down into it, to go with them to Tarshish, away from the presence of the Lord.” Jonah 1:3

Instead of obeying the Lord’s commands, Jonah turns on his heel and flees. He goes in the opposite direction of where the Lord has called Him. It doesn’t work out well for Jonah. The ship he’s “escaping” on is thrown into a terrible storm, the sailors confront him, Jonah confesses his sin, they throw him overboard & the Lord commands a giant fish to swallow Jonah whole.

It’s at this point, in the belly of a whale, that Jonah finally turns to the Lord.

“‘I called out to the Lord, out of my distress and He answered me; out of the belly of Sheol I cried, and you heard my voice. For you cast me into the deep into the heart of the seas, and the flood surrounded me; all your waves and your billows passed over me…When my life was fainting away, I remembered the Lord, and my prayer came to you, into your holy temple. Those who pay regard to vain idols forsake their hope of steadfast love. But I with the voice of thanksgiving will sacrifice to you; what I have vowed I will pay. Salvation belongs to the Lord!’” Jonah 2:2-3,7-9

The Lord hears Jonah’s prayer and tells the fish to spit him up. Jonah emerges on dry land after being in the belly of a giant fish for three whole days. He goes to Nineveh and tells the people the message that God has called him to.

It can be so easy to write Jonah’s story off as a simple Sunday School lesson, but aren’t we the same? Isn’t my sin a personalized version of me packing my things and fleeing from the life that the Lord has called me to?

These past few weeks have felt like a whale swallowing me whole. I’ve had embarrassment, shame, conviction and pain drawn to the surface. It would be easy to retreat back and let my experiences speak for me. I could so easily say, “Oh, I would love to you follow you Jesus, but I’m so tired after being in the belly of a fish for three days (so to speak). I need a break before I even think about doing as you say.”

Jonah isn’t just a cautionary tale, it’s an example. He, undoubtably shaken & exhausted (probably covered in who knows what), immediately follows The Lord. He turns to God with praise and repentance. His yearning for obedience is fortified through the horrors he endures. He leans on the strength of the Lord to travel to a distant city. He trades a life of fleeing for a life of following.

I want to be like that, weary and still covered in the aftermath of my own failures but clinging to the plan that The Lord has for my life. I’m still fighting to see my own value, especially in times of struggle and sin. But I rest in the fact that the Lord uses broken people like Jonah, you and me. He sees the blood of Christ covering our inadequacies, He yearns to call you beloved, and He offers us redemption.

Do not let your tendency to wander from Him lead your heart into the false belief that you are unable to be used. He works in the midst of brine, muck, shame and sin.

Here’s to reminding ourselves that.

valentine

Call me crazy, but Valentine’s Day has always struck me as a strange holiday.I think it’s a slightly ostracizing time for people who aren’t really experiencing romantic love. I’m not really a big fan of giant teddy bears, sparkly hearts or even the general idea of the color pink. And don’t even get me started on how the price of chocolate at the beginning of February seems to skyrocket.

But it’s a bit more than that. If we’re supposedly celebrating love, then I think we’re doing it the wrong way. There’s a higher form of love that’s missing from the conversation & we’re missing the whole point.

“In this is love, not that we have loved God but that He loved us and sent His son to be the propitiation of our sins.” 1 John 4:10

That’s it.

God is love. He isn’t limited to February 14^th, to be honest He’s really just not limited. There’s only one love that will never change, never forsake you or turn it’s back on you. There’s a love out there for everyone, one that’s made earth shattering sacrifices and longs to know you personally.

So please, if you don’t already, pursue that love. It makes every single day of the year worth celebrating.

a lesson for my campers

Hi there stranger, it’s been a while.

I’ve been thinking of y’all a lot. I miss our times together at camp and kept thinking of things that I wished I had spent more time telling you. So with some prayer and peer input, here are ten lessons that I hope all of you will learn.

Lesson #1 : God isn’t only working at camp.

I know that it feels like this sometimes. During the week that you were at camp, many of you felt incredibly close to God and all that He was doing, which is great! Nothing gives me a greater sense of joy than seeing y’all growing and learning while we spent a week (or two) in such a beautiful place.

But it’s important to remember that God isn’t just working or present at camp. Camp isn’t a magical place where God lives. Camp is an ordinary place filled with ordinary people serving an extraordinary God. Camp doesn’t make God special, God makes camp special. Anywhere you are and at anytime in your life, God is just as close to you as when you’re at camp. He loves you as much, He’s protecting you just as much, He wants to be with you just as much and He’s doing just as much.

Lesson #2 : He is your greatest & first love.

I honestly think at least of 3 of you have reached out to me in the past week about the same exact thing… . . boys.

It’s nice to be loved by somebody else but make sure that you’re not placing too much importance on it! Having a boyfriend isn’t going to magically solve all your problems or make you feel incredible. People are people, they’re going to disappoint you. They’re not going to be able to give you all the love and protection and comfort that your very soul craves. That’s God’s job. Only He can truly satisfy your heart! He alone is your greatest comfort and love.

If you think you’ve found somebody who is going to keep your relationship centered around Christ and wants to date you, great!  Talk to your parents about it or call me.

If you’re single right now, great! That’s honestly a-okay. The Lord has an incredible plan for all of y’all, trust Him.

Lesson #3 : Who you surround yourself with really matters.

The people closest to you really make a difference in your life! It’s really important to have friends who are going to remind of God’s truths and Jesus’ love. (This doesn’t mean that you should avoid people who don’t believe in Jesus, please do not think that)

Remember the story of Peter walking on the water? Remember how He became distracted by the waves around him, took his eyes off Jesus and began to sink? Maybe a few of you will remember it by the time that we blindfolded you and made you walk barefoot over ice cubes and water. (sorry about that) All silliness aside, there’s a reason I try to go over this story. It’s because the story contains an important lesson.  The most important thing in life is to keep your eyes fixed on Jesus.

Great friends will help you remain focused on the voice of Jesus calling to you. Not so great friends will act like waves, distracting you and causing harm. Keep in good company, it’ll help you in the long run, trust me.

Lesson #4 : Spend time with Him daily.

I’ll be honest here, I still struggle with this one, a lot. It’s  something that I’m learning to do with a joyful heart and open mind. But seriously y’all, it is super important to spend time with Him. This can look like praying, journaling, singing, drawing, writing, reading, memorizing or just sitting in silence.

It’s not the act itself that matters. It’s the fact that you’re setting aside time every day to remain focused around/on Him. This time is precious to Him, the bible tells us that God craves your attention and focus. He wants a personal relationship with you! God really uses this time to speak to us, teach us lessons and give us comfort.

If you’re confused on how to start, that’s okay! There are some great resources out there, such as the daily devotional Jesus Calling or the bible app for girls called She Reads Truth. If you want more things to look at, reach out to people you know spend time with Him or call me!

Lesson #5 : There are going to be moments when you don’t feel it.

I have a little story for this lesson. Throughout the 7th and 8th grade I felt completely distanced from God. Every time I prayed it felt like I was praying to a brick wall & reading my bible was as boring as my science textbook. I became frustrated with God and how my relationship with Him felt forced or fake. It was really hard but I learned a lot during that time.

The point of my story is that there are definitely going to be moments where you feel super distant or like God isn’t even there. There are three important things to remember during times like this: 1. God still is there  2. The feeling will not last forever 3. God is using that feeling.

Sometimes God uses the worst of situations to teach you something really big. But if you’re not actively listening to Him, you’re going to have a really hard time hearing Him. He is still there, even in the midst of your doubts and fears. It’s going to be okay.

Even if you don’t have a heart knowledge of Him working, keep a head knowledge of all that He’s done. Remind yourself of His goodness, even when you don’t feel like it. Keep praying and reading His word. He’s still there.

Lesson #6 : You can’t earn God’s love.

Okay this one was another hard one for me. I spent a long time thinking that if I behaved really well or acted like a really good person, God would love me. Everytime I messed up, I would get really upset because I thought I had disappointed God and He wouldn’t love me anymore. This isn’t true!

God loves you. Period. That’s it. There’s nothing you can do that will make Him love you because He already does! He loves you so much that He sent His only son for you.

Receiving the love that God has to offer to you is the best thing you can do. Jesus Christ, His crucifixion and resurrection are the ultimate display of God’s love. You can’t earn this, you can only receive it.

Lesson #7: Your sin isn’t going to separate you from God.

Sometimes when I sin, I feel so ashamed of what I’ve done that I become convinced that God couldn’t possibly love me or want me. This. Is. A. Lie.

I recently heard someone preach something that addressed the lie of sin separation. Her name is Kari Kennedy and she said this: “Imagine Satan going to God and pointing out every single time you sinned. Every little lie or broken promise or harsh word. Now imagine that every single time Satan lists one-off, Jesus is standing beside the right hand of God’s throne saying, ‘Paid for it. Paid for it. Paid for it. I’ve already paid for it.’”

Sin used to separate people from God, but Jesus changed all that! He is the bridge between very flawed people and a very unflawed God. Yes, sin is obviously bad & people need to repent (another word for confess or apologize) for their sins, but this doesn’t mean that God is going to walk away from you when you sin. God meets you where you are, not where you should be.

Lesson #8 : God doesn’t expect you to go to Him “perfectly.”

God doesn’t need you to perform for Him. He doesn’t need you to pray with beautiful and carefully crafted sentences. He doesn’t need you to sing the loudest, talk the most or know all the answers. Yes, these can all be good things, but God doesn’t need it.

See, I used to think that whenever I prayed I needed to plan out everything I was going to say or ask for. I would pre-pre-prepare my prayers so that they sounded nice and God would be happy with me. This meant that anytime I couldn’t really think of the words to say, I wouldn’t pray. I ended up praying and talking to Him less and less. It took me a while to realize that God doesn’t want you to go to Him only when you’re all put together, He just wants you to go to Him.

Now my prayers are angry, ugly, upset, pretty, honest and jumbled. All that matters is that you’re going to God with your thoughts and feelings, no matter how they’re presented.

Lesson #9 : There isn’t a time when your faith magically comes together.

I asked a few of my fellow counselors (they all say hi) what they wanted their campers to learn. One of my best friends and someone most of you know, Natalie Tedder, said this:

“Something I think campers should just know in general, is that a relationship with Jesus never happens like a flick of a switch. I used to think, ‘Yeah, when I’m in high school or college or when I become an ACIT, I’ll just have an ideal relationship with God.’ But if you keep waiting for an age or a place or magical day to arrive, you’re going to be disappointed. Having a relationship with Jesus is an ever-growing process. Until the day that we go to heaven, we have to keep striving after the Lord. No one has a ‘perfect’ relationship with God. We’re all growing and learning everyday.”

Lesson #10 : Your counselors are still here to answer questions.

I miss and love every single one of you. I honest to God cry whenever y’all text me, comment on my instagram or send letters. Like openly weep. It’s embarrassing.

But more important than that, I know that every counselor that’s worked at Camp feels the same exact way. We love to hear about your life or answer any questions you may have (this doesn’t mean we’re always going to have a magical answer to every question but we’re happy to help).

If you’re confused, happy, upset, scared, thankful or honestly just bored, reach out to us! We’d love to hear from you.

I hope this little post helped some of you, if you have any questions about what’s on this list or any questions in general please reach out! I am more than happy to talk to y’all.

And from the bottom of my heart, thank you. Y’all have been gifts in my life and I love each of you. Let me know if you need anything.