Hello friends, it’s been a while.
These past few weeks have been a bit crazy and I am exhausted. So much has happened. Lately, my sin has been called out, analyzed and discussed. But He is sovereign! I have had incredible opportunities to grow & learn from all that’s happening. It’s been hard, trying to find the balance between vulnerability and guarding my heart. So I haven’t tried to write publicly on it, instead just scribbling frantic prayers in my journal and confiding in close friends.
But today I began to think of the story of Jonah. For the very few of you who don’t know the story, Jonah was an old testament prophet in the Bible. His story starts quite similarly to the other prophets, he’s called to a distant city to act as the mouthpiece for God. But rather than travel to the broken city of Nineveh, Jonah does something else.
“But Jonah rose to flee to Tarshish from the presence of the Lord. He went down to Joppa and found a ship going to Tarshish. So he paid the fare and went down into it, to go with them to Tarshish, away from the presence of the Lord.” Jonah 1:3
Instead of obeying the Lord’s commands, Jonah turns on his heel and flees. He goes in the opposite direction of where the Lord has called Him. It doesn’t work out well for Jonah. The ship he’s “escaping” on is thrown into a terrible storm, the sailors confront him, Jonah confesses his sin, they throw him overboard & the Lord commands a giant fish to swallow Jonah whole.
It’s at this point, in the belly of a whale, that Jonah finally turns to the Lord.
“‘I called out to the Lord, out of my distress and He answered me; out of the belly of Sheol I cried, and you heard my voice. For you cast me into the deep into the heart of the seas, and the flood surrounded me; all your waves and your billows passed over me…When my life was fainting away, I remembered the Lord, and my prayer came to you, into your holy temple. Those who pay regard to vain idols forsake their hope of steadfast love. But I with the voice of thanksgiving will sacrifice to you; what I have vowed I will pay. Salvation belongs to the Lord!’” Jonah 2:2-3,7-9
The Lord hears Jonah’s prayer and tells the fish to spit him up. Jonah emerges on dry land after being in the belly of a giant fish for three whole days. He goes to Nineveh and tells the people the message that God has called him to.
It can be so easy to write Jonah’s story off as a simple Sunday School lesson, but aren’t we the same? Isn’t my sin a personalized version of me packing my things and fleeing from the life that the Lord has called me to?
These past few weeks have felt like a whale swallowing me whole. I’ve had embarrassment, shame, conviction and pain drawn to the surface. It would be easy to retreat back and let my experiences speak for me. I could so easily say, “Oh, I would love to you follow you Jesus, but I’m so tired after being in the belly of a fish for three days (so to speak). I need a break before I even think about doing as you say.”
Jonah isn’t just a cautionary tale, it’s an example. He, undoubtably shaken & exhausted (probably covered in who knows what), immediately follows The Lord. He turns to God with praise and repentance. His yearning for obedience is fortified through the horrors he endures. He leans on the strength of the Lord to travel to a distant city. He trades a life of fleeing for a life of following.
I want to be like that, weary and still covered in the aftermath of my own failures but clinging to the plan that The Lord has for my life. I’m still fighting to see my own value, especially in times of struggle and sin. But I rest in the fact that the Lord uses broken people like Jonah, you and me. He sees the blood of Christ covering our inadequacies, He yearns to call you beloved, and He offers us redemption.
Do not let your tendency to wander from Him lead your heart into the false belief that you are unable to be used. He works in the midst of brine, muck, shame and sin.
Here’s to reminding ourselves that.
